Thursday, October 26, 2006

I'm Back

I don't know where I've been these past few weeks. Every time I decide to update my blog I somehow end up not doing it for some reason. It's been a busy and very strange time since Redman. I'm training for a 50k which is this Sunday, although I don't know if you can call what I've been up to training. It's been nothing like Ironman training. I haven't eaten as well, I haven't trained as much and I haven't felt very inspired lately. Every day I think, this will be the day I discover my new motivation, but often it just doesn't come.

I've also been injured for almost two weeks which hasn't happened to me in quite awhile. I did something to my ankle and it just isn't getting much better. I haven't run since last Tuesday so really my 50k this weekend is in jeopardy.

I did have one great run where I really did think I had found my motivation and inspiration. It was a 10 mile run which I'm not used to doing by myself so I was a little hesitant to go. It was also very cold, windy and overcast. My ankle was really hurting so I was pretty slow for awhile. I started thinking about finishing Redman and what it meant for me. I realized that there was no huge meaning to finishing. It was so much more simple than I thought. The reason I finished is that I put one foot in front of the other until I got reached the finish line. I kept going even when it was hard, even when I was tired and I didn't want to keep going anymore. That's it.

You see, I tend to over analyze pretty much everything in my life. And the lesson of Ironman for me was to quit analyzing sometimes and just be present in the moment. If I had analyzed every moment of my day I never would have finished. My goal was to take everything that happened, deal with it, and move on. I didn't let myself think of that finish line until I only had a few miles left. That was my victory at Redman.

So that's what I take home from Redman. Things don't have to be so difficult for me. Some days it's tough and I don't feel like I can keep going on. But I do and as long as I keep things simple I do alright. I have to take things as they are and not be inpatient or so rushed to figure out the next step. Things will happen and whether it's Redman or relationships or my ongoing quest for a better job, I just need go with it sometimes.

The one thing that really stuck with at Redman was hearing all the other athletes say "keep moving" on the run. It wasn't "you're almost there". Because I wasn't. It wasn't "you look great". Because I didn't. It was "keep moving" and it was that simple. It goes for life too, keep moving even when you're not sure you want to. As I thought about that I began to run again. I started moving and realized I felt pretty good. I stopped thinking about how far 10 miles is or how much my ankle hurt. I became present in the moment again and it felt a lot like those last miles at Redman. I kept moving. I found myself running faster than I usually do without really meaning to. And before I knew it I was home.

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